Relationships

Hey guys
We have been able to spend the past two weeks looking into relationships. Of course, that is not nearly enough time to cover everything and I am always here for you if you ever have any questions or situations you need help figuring out.
Not everyone is able to come to the midweek services so I wanted to do a brief overview of what we have been talking about.

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WED. Feb 15th

Relationships are a blessing from God. All relationships are, friendships, parents & children, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. We were not created to be alone, we are meant to be in relationships with others. This does not mean that everyone NEEDS to be in a romantic relationship. Our culture has interpreted this need to be in a relationship as the need to be in a romantic relationship.
We live in a culture that loves love. We see it in movies (even action movies where romance really has no place), music (top three song on iTunes this week are Shape Of You, Don't Wanna Live Forever, and That's What I Like). We even see heavy themes of love throughout the majority of literature. Within media it almost feels like a sin to have a movie or TV show where the guy does not get the girl in the end. I know I find myself extremely disappointed when there is not a happy ending.
We love, love; and we love seeing love win.

What does our media say about love?

• Dependent
• usually we see the persons happiness dependent on the other persons happiness or presence
• these kinds of relationships usually make the people involved devastated when it ends, because their world has been wrapped around this one person
• Magical
• in movies it feels like relationships are nothing short of magic
• by this I mean butterflies all the time, lighting up every time he walks in the room, 
• It is magical, but not all the magical (tingly) feelings last, and that’s okay
• physical 
• almost always seems to start with a kiss, then escalates quickly from there. It feels like a character can't go on a date without either a kiss at the end or jumping straight to having a sleepover
• think about movies. Cinderella Story (dramatic kiss in the rain). They built this moment up throughout the entire movie
• feeling
• Love is a feeling you have
• it's an emotional connection
• if you are not in a relationship, you do not have value
• there are many movies and shows dedicated to this pursuit of a relationship (Bachelor, Dating in the Dark, Coupled, Are you the one?, Hitch, Christian Mingle)
• This only goes to prove that we long to be loved by others and we all want to be in a relationship. The way that media presents it turns love into an idol for a lot of people.
• It's okay to be single, NOTHING is wrong with you
• Especially in junior high and high school, having a romantic relationship is not a necessity. I promise you, you will be fine without one
• If a relationship is something we base our value on, it will not be a healthy relationship and we will never find true satisfaction in it.

What is love according to scripture?

• love is an action word—it’s something you do (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 

• There are two things in here that are very contrary to what culture tells us, “patience” and "self-seeking”, let me tell you what I mean by this.
• Culture tells us to be self-seeking
• it is often what can I get rather than what can I do for the other person
• No one will verbalize this but think about what the couples we see on TV act like. They might look for a wealthy partner, or date someone who is attractive. This would be seen as dating to improve your own status or to better yourself in someway. We see this a lot in the physical area. People will have one night stands to satisfy physical desires, not because they care about the other person. It's all about looking out for the self and what makes me feel and look good.
• we often act out of our feelings rather than from a place of wisdom
• If we feel something we should do it, according to culture. This blends well with patience. If we really feel like we want to kiss the person we went on a date with, we will without thinking about the repercussions. Before you do anything (especially of the physical nature), I urge you to think of the possible repercussions. We never want to be in the position where we send people mixed signals. 
• This leads us to patience. If you're not ready to make a step don't. If you are not in a position to date in a healthy way, don't. Take the time you need to work on yourself some more. Your future life buddy will appreciate it so much.
• What does it look like to date in a healthy way? What does that mean? 
• When dating in a healthy way there should always be an end goal.--marriage
• I know you are all way to young to be thinking of marriage, but it's not a completely unrealistic goal.
• When you are dating for the intent of marriage, you tend to treat the person as though you will be with them forever and not as though they will be gone tomorrow. This means more respect, more long term thinking. 
• I read this quote about the danger of not dating for marriage that I love,
• “dating without the intent of getting married is like going to the grocery store with no money, you either leave unsatisfied or take something that isn’t yours”
• It's very true! You can get to know someone better without dating them, so if they are not a serious option for marriage, don't put yourself through the hassle and heartbreak of dating. 
•  If we rush into a relationship without having a purpose with that relationship we are allowing ourselves to enter into something that could hurt us for no reason
• What do I mean by hurt, because I know that _______ really loves me and would never hurt me. And you're right, they probably would never intentionally hurt you. (and if they do hurt you intentionally--either physically, verbally, or emotionally--LEAVE asap)
• whenever we enter into any relationship where we share personal things, there is the ability to be hurt. Not meaning that the person will share your secrets (maybe they will, and that's very petty), but meaning if that relationship is broken that person will not be there for you in the same way anymore (=hurt). You don’t have to have a dating relationship to experience this kind of hurt. I experienced this kins of hurt in Junior High with my best friend throughout 6-7th grade. Dating relationships, because they can get very personal and intimate takes the level of potential hurt up a notch.
• If you can avoid the hurt by avoiding the relationship altogether, do it.
• Be patient, don’t dive into a relationship just for the label. I know plenty of people who dated someone just so they could say they had a boyfriend/girlfriend. It was not worth it. Their relationships were very shallow and not very healthy. In fact, most of them rarely spent time together outside of lunchtime. Dating for the label is self-seeking too, because it is the attempt to better yourself. 
• I encourage you to be friends first. Don't just dive into dating. See if they're even someone you get along with in a friendship. If you can't stand them as a friend, you won't be able to stand them as a life buddy. This will allow you the chance to get to know them without being involved on a deep emotional level like romantic relationships require. 

• Our culture pressures us physically. 
• If you haven’t had your first kiss by the time you graduate high school (or earlier), it’s seen as weird. 
• If you haven’t slept with anyone by the time you’re 25, it’s weird 
• If you’ve been dating for years and aren’t living together it’s seen as weird. Nowadays the keys is often seen as the next step before the ring 
• http://www.preachitteachit.org/articles/detail/shacking-up-what-couples-should-know-about-living-together-before-marriage/
• All of these aspects are incredible blessings from God
• you can only have a first time for everything ONE time
• what an incredible gift that is, ESPECIALLY in a time where there are so many pressures by our culture to hurry up and do it
• what an amazing thing to say to you’re future life buddy. “I haven’t done ... because I have been waiting to share that moment with you”
• I don’t want to use the Bible to shame you into “being good”.Rather, I want to express how big of a blessing it is to be patient in relationships
• God does not tell us to keep sex in marriage because he wants us to suffer while we wait. He created it to be an intimate experience we have with the person he designed for us to be with for life. When we use it out of that context it turns it into a tool to satisfy our physical desire instead of a tool to express the covenant vow made in marriage. 
• It doesn’t matter what the rest of the world is doing. Don't let that pressure you into doing anything you are not ready for. The natural way is to satisfy your own wants, which is why love is an action. If you practice the discipline of patience it will take a great deal of effort, but it is worth it to have a greater level of satisfaction at the end of the waiting period.  
• Wait on the Lord and really listen to him. Does he want you in a relationship. Does he want you with him in this moment. 

Challenge to rethink the way you view dating:

• why
• why now
• why this person
• what
• what do I need to be patient with
• what are my boundaries
• what am I going to do to keep them?
•  how
• how is this relationship going to effect my relationship with God
• how will this relationship bless others
• how can I serve/bless my significant other?